Ode To Vengeance

The anger serves to hide the deepest guilt,
    the remorse that falls like rain above
        like tears shed over unrequited love
As the hatred makes all the flowers wilt
With emotions that will never be felt
    Which sing eulogies of lost moments,
        which denies the right to find penance
Which has become a bed of rotting silt—
Could such be construed a fitting end
For all the light and warmth that there has been?

Should we climb Mount Helicon, will we find
    no Muses, but instead our own souls
        begging the chance to burst through these holes
That we fill with lies to our own minds
Surely, I give credit that should be mine
    for keeping lit all the burning coals
        which keep me warm through the Winter cold
So that I will again see the sun shine
And, though the Winter even now sets in,
What will I find bringing warmth to my den?

Something must sustain the sleeping spirit
    perhaps fury burning in the soul
        making of vengeance the only goal—
If such a flame, the soul cannot endure it—
And will fall to ashes at its limit
    as it digs always a deeper hole
        leaves the spirit still out in the cold
Clinging to the anger that condemns it
To fear the sun and seek out the cold night
To huddle in anger and fear and fright

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Hi. I’m not gonna lie to you. Being transgender in Mississippi actually is difficult, because it’s true–despite my awesome work history, my college degree, and the fact that I started by own business and managed it well for years, it’s impossible for me to find a job in Mississippi as a transgender person. I’m able to do small work on the side for an I.T. colleague, but it’s extremely minor and earns about $100 a week. My only real chance to pull out of this hole is through writing, so if you like poetry and would like to see more of it, perhaps you’ll consider becoming a supporter at Patreon. I don’t like asking that, and certainly not in this way, but reality demands what reality demands. My novels are no nearer to being published for unknown reasons, my story on Amazon has been lost in the thousands of other stories alongside which it sits, and though I have seen growth across the Internet on Facebook, Twitter, and Google+, the fact is that it’s extremely slow, and the loss of a substantial Patron today for unknown reasons was a serious hit. Liking, Sharing, Commenting–all of these things are appreciated.

Thanks for listening to my sob story. 🙂

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