People like to talk shit about Coinbase. And, in a lot of ways, I get it. They certainly didn’t make it easy for people to retrieve their Bitcoin Cash (much less Bitcoin Gold–which may not be retrievable at all), but at least they’ve done better on that front than Jaxx. But there’s more to it than that. There’s also some elitism, which I also get. I have the same elitism, as a tech person, toward Apple users in general, but especially people with iPhones. I refused to watch Rick & Morty for a long time, simply because it was popular. And people who played Final Fantasy XI absolutely hated World of Warcraft players. There’s this whole “Our thing is more complex and cool than your thing. Our thing is for the hardcore, freaking noobs!” aspect to it. Then there’s the fact that Coinbase holds onto your private keys, but the only people who care about this also know how easy it is to get around–simply send the cryptos to another wallet.
A lot of these types would deny that Coinbase is doing anything good, despite how they are attempting to stand up to the IRS to protect their users from invasion by government goons. The government, predictably, doesn’t like that it has no idea who has crypto and who doesn’t, and the best way to find out that info is to break into Coinbase’s vault, steal their records, and create a database of known crypto users to watch. They’re actively attempting to do this, and Coinbase is attempting to stop it. If I was CEO, I would be preparing to close my U.S. operations and permanently wipe all our data before the U.S. government could get their hands on it. Coinbase is also attempting to bring in huge investors–people who would be dropping millions at a time on crypto purchases, and Coinbase has a phenomenal track record of security and protection.
But there’s one other thing they do that they’re often criticized for, when, in reality, it’s the best thing that they do:
Coinbase is notoriously unwilling to put new coins on its store.
This draws the ire of people who love Ethereum and the seventy-six million different bullshit Ethereum tokens available. I could create an Ethereum token right now if I cared to, and it costs almost nothing to do. Ethereum is a good idea, but there’s no gatekeeper to it, and anyone with a half-baked idea can create an Ethereum token, get some momentum going for it, and land it under dApps in Coinomi’s Ethereum wallet. If that wasn’t enough, there are thousands of entire cryptocurrencies that use their own blockchain and programming, some of them ridiculously niche and with less-than-half-baked concepts behind them.
Take Potcoin, for example. It’s a standard proof-of-stake coin long after Blackcoin proved that Proof of Stake is viable. So what is it? It’s a cryptocurrency that is essentially riding on the fact that it has “pot” in the name to be successful. It wants to be the primary payment method for the legal marijuana industry.
That’s stupid, and the exact opposite of what currencies are supposed to do. An Ethereum token would have been more suitable for this, but no. They went and created a currency. I don’t like the token idea anyway. I’ve long ripped into gaming companies like Microsoft and Nintendo for making you buy 800 Microsoft Points to buy a $10 game, instead of just buying the $10 game. They do this because they sell Microsoft Points in uneven packs. Maybe 1000 or 2000. The goal is for the person to have some “points” left over that are too small in quantity to use, forcing them to either pay more money to bring them up to a usable quantity (there’s nothing on the Microsoft Store for 100 points, after all), or to abandon the remainders as lost forever. This is an insidious way of charging people an extra $2 or $3 here or there, without their realizing it and without their noticing it. It’s a way of nickel and diming customers to death, and gaming companies are really nickel and diming their customers these days, with pre-orders, season passes, digital deluxe editions, Complete Editions, Definitive Editions, Collections, remakes, rereleases, and shitloads of DLC, not all of which is even covered by the season pass that players stupidly pay $30 for. But anyway.
So what they want to do, in effect, is bring that business model to the marijuana industry. There’s no other way to put it. That’s precisely what they want to do. They want to create “tokens” that customers have to use to buy pot. And since it’s Proof of Stake and they’re certainly holding half of that stake, every single purchase gets them more tokens–not to mention often leaving customers with quantities of tokens that can’t be used, just like Microsoft, Sony, and Nintendo do. We’ve been down this game before. I play the browser-based game Tribal Wars, and it does exactly the same thing. Due to selling some in-game resources, I ended up with 5 Premium Points that were utterly unusable. This is by design. It is a principle that is built into such systems. They don’t care if you have 0.0002 tokens that you will never, ever be able to use. Actually, they do care, and they want you to end up in that position. Because that’s free money for them.
There are tons of these currencies. Potcoin is just the most obvious example, by trying to frame itself as a token when it’s defined as a currency, setting such a horrifically stupid role for itself, and calling itself “potcoin” on the hope that the stoner crypto people will go “Hur hurr hurr, I want to hold some potcoin! yeah! Pot is awesome!”
There remain to this day people who think the Tool song “The Pot” is about marijuana. In fact, it’s a reference to “the pot calling the kettle black.” Maynard did this on purpose, of course, using lyrics like “You must have been high” throughout the song. For whatever reason, “pot” is a word that gets people to love the thing, presumably still in that high school mentality where it’s cool to be dumb and nothing is cooler than pot.
Let me just whip up Coinomi and look at random coins that I know nothing about:
- Canada eCoin
- Cannacoin (with a pot leaf as its logo, naturally–good, we certainly needed two marijuana coins)
- Hempcoin (ooh, THREE of them!…
You know, finding the third mariuana cryptocurrency just proves my point better than anything I could write, and I don’t think I’m even running the latest version of Coinomi on the phone I’m looking at. This is a disaster waiting to happen. It is classic market oversaturation. We need only look to 1983 and the video game crash of the same year to see exactly how this plays out.
If I cited your coin as a shitcoin above and you feel that this is in error, reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org, and I’ll interview you for my new show, No Gods, No Masters, and we can clear the air. However, the odds are against you. However much you might think otherwise, chances are that yours is a shitcoin. I excuse Blackcoin only because it’s the world’s first 100% Proof of Stake coin, and it has been around now for nearly 4 years. I’ll be surprised if half of these are still here four years from now.
Video game makers and console manufacturers of the 80s did nothing to protect their hardware or their software, which I’m okay with them doing as long as there are no laws against piracy. They have every right to attempt to protect their products from being copied. But we have every right to attempt to bypass that protection. Anyway, what followed was predictable. People began releasing clones of clones of clones of clones of inferior games, and the market was flooded with Pak-Man, Tax Man, Pac-Man, Capman, APacman, and so on, and, in a lot of cases, consumers didn’t know the difference. Like an average person looking at Bitcoin, Bitcoin Cash, Bitsend, Bitcoinplus, Bitcoin Gold, and Bitcore. It confuses them, and I have to think some of this is intentional.
A flood of overhyped, bullshit games called E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial finally broke the camel’s back, but it was a long series of abuses and shitty products that led up to that. Consumers had simply had enough by the time Atari showed its own abject disdain for consumers by releasing that ungodly abomination as a completed game. By that point, they’d already been ripped off by Protector, which was a ripoff of Helper Jet, which was a ripoff of Laser Ship, was a ripoff of Defender. The consumer had already lost hundreds buying shitty games, and the overhyped E.T. was simply the last one–pretty much because it was so hyped (much like Bitcoin is becoming).
Everyday I see ads for “Don’t buy Bitcoin! Look at these 5 cryptos that are certain to pass Bitcoin!!!!!!11!11” bullshit. Have you been to Novacoin lately? They’re closing, but there seemed like thousands of freaking coins on that site, almost all of them junk. You could even see people in the chatroom call them out for being junk and scams. Novacoin and Coinomi’s standards are way too low, evidently.
Coinbase, thank goodness, is acting as the Nintendo of cryptocurrencies. They have tight and rigid standards for cryptos and whether they will or won’t add them, and we should all be on our knees thanking them for this. If Joe Plumber decides he wants to see what “all that thar Bittlecoon stuff is about,” he’s going to google it, and he’ll almost certainly end up on Coinbase. There, he will be introduced to three safe, secure, reliable, non-scam coins: Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Litecoin, in a safe and relatively risk-free environment. He won’t be flooded with a hundred different cryptocurrencies and left feeling like an idiot who picks one at random because he doesn’t want to feel like an idiot and wants to feel like he knows what he’s doing. He’ll see three.
Odds are, he won’t ever hear the words “Hempcoin” or “Belacoin” or “Cannacoin,” and thank God for that. Because most of these shitcoins are going to go under within a year or two, and do you know what would happen if the masses of people poured their money into these shitcoins, and then had the shitcoins vanish?
That’s right: a crash. And an enormous one.
In fact, due to Coinomi, Jaxx, Novacoin, Kraken, etc.’s looser standards, a crash is inevitable. Coinbase is merely delaying it. They can’t prevent it entirely, not when so many people want to create shitcoins that serve no purpose except to scam people out of money and then fade into oblivion because they never had more than a half-baked idea in the first place.
I’m not saying people who genuinely believe in Hempcoin shouldn’t be able to get it, and shouldn’t be able to store it in a wallet. Obviously, I’m not saying that. But I’m saying until your shitcoin has truly proven itself–I’d say that 2 years of survival should be the bare minimum requirement–you should be stuck using a coin-specific wallet.
Oh, look. Orangecoin no longer exists. I’m so surprised.
Buying shitcoins like Orangecoin and Hempcoin simply shouldn’t be so easy that stupid and careless people can do it accidentally. Careless and stupid people exist. We know they do. And if we don’t want government to step in and protect them from the consequences of being careless and stupid, then it’s on us to do so. It’s on Coinbase, Coinomi, Kraken, Novacoin, and Jaxx to do, and Coinbase is the only one stepping up to do it. I’m not saying bail people out. And I’m damned sure not saying let government get involved. In fact, I want you people (whoever is out there making bullshit currencies and bullshit ethereum tokens) to stop doing it so that the government doesn’t get involved. They will. They’ve done it before, man. And “Wah! We lost our money because we couldn’t be bothered to do any research before dropping our life savings into something!” has always been the excuse used for government power grabs. You think they won’t crush Coinbase if they get a good enough excuse? This is stuff that we can’t afford, in the long-run, to allow to happen.
We have to stop this. We have to prevent the crash. This means you, jackasses who made Britcoin, jackasses who made Putincoin, jackasses who made three separate marijuana coins. If you don’t have the self-restraint to not serve out bullshit, then Coinomi, Jaxx, et al. will have to step up and stop you. We need them to, and we need you to go away. And we need to be thankful that Coinbase’s extreme reluctance to add new coins is keeping cryptos accessible and relatively safe for the masses. Because if the ordinary person was presented with Coinomi’s massive list of coins the first time they went to purchase, we’d already have experienced the crash by now.